Grandparents that spoil many ways to make money – sweet shoppe community

My children are my husband’s parents’ only grandchildren. They had two sons, one died in his late twenties with no kids so many ways to make money we’re it. They live 3 states away, an 11-hour road trip (plus stops), and yet they try to fly to visit us 3 many ways to make money times a year (for the kids’ birthdays). Then, they buy a ton of presents. I think spending $100 on one of my kids for a birthday is many ways to make money too much. One christmas we went to their house and I swear many ways to make money they had 20 presents for each kid. It was too much.

I often feel my MIL is out-doing me and even when I ask her to buy many ways to make money just a couple, she goes over. I try to talk to my husband about it but many ways to make money he says let them spend their money the way they many ways to make money want to. Problem is, I think they have credit card debt and are very many ways to make money unwise with their money. They just moved last year and she mentioned wanting to many ways to make money start a gofundme to help with their moving costs. Then she buys my kids a $200 tinkercrate subscription for christmas. Plus other gifts. They are approaching retirement age (I think my FIL is 65? Almost 66?) but admit they can’t retire. They have no savings. Social security would be the only retirement dividends they would many ways to make money get. I try to tell my husband that someday they’re going to ask him to help them out in many ways to make money their old age and I will feel very bitter about many ways to make money it because they should be preparing for retirement instead of many ways to make money spoiling my kids.

On the "mom side" of things, I see the frustration… We’re trying to raise kids who don’t have every toy they’ve seen on a commercial (or, more likely now, on a youtube toy review video!), who realize that the best part of a birthday or many ways to make money holiday aren’t the gifts, etc. And also constantly battling the mess all those gifts make many ways to make money in our homes.

But, if you put your "grandparent shoes" on, and think of it from the perspective of someone who many ways to make money already spent 20 years needing to make the responsible choices many ways to make money we’re trying to make and saying "you don’t need that"/"we just bought you xyz"/"money doesn’t grow on trees", they’ve been looking forward to this chance. It’s one of the grandparent perks

For me, I get much less frustrated with my own mom, because she listens to my requests most of the time, or buys them the things that I would have to many ways to make money buy (new bathing suits every summer, construction paper & glue sticks, etc.) so, if she takes my kids to the candy store and many ways to make money lets them buy $50 worth of candy, it’s okay (she just has to put them to bed that night, haha). However, due to underlying issues with my MIL, I get suuuuper frustrated when she attempts to "spoil" my kids. Nothing I have said or asked my husband to say many ways to make money has inspired her to change, so I just grin (okay, maybe more like grit my teeth) and bear it.

I so hear you on this! Every christmas and birthday, my dad and step-mom (it’s really mostly her–she is way into giving gifts but that’s really the only way she interacts) bring garbage bags stuffed with presents for my son, my niece, my nephew, and the adults too. It was so overwhelming the first few times they did many ways to make money this, but we’ve learned to just open everything, look happy, and say thank you. For a while, I worried about reciprocating, but now I figure that if this is something she many ways to make money needs to do, fine. I am not a "gifts person," being much more interested in quality time, which my step-mom in particular has ZERO interest in. She sits there, quietly, watching us open our gifts, and she hardly says a word to anyone. It’s uncomfortable.

They leave us with mounds of paper and garbage, and loads of gifts, including candy that neither my son nor nephew can eat. They cannot eat food with artificial coloring, and I don’t think she believes us on this, because she ALWAYS gives them candy with coloring! My 12-year-old son asked me just last week WHY she keeps many ways to make money doing this. What do I say? That she doesn’t care? (she and my dad also think my gluten intolerance is many ways to make money "all in your head." that has taken me a while to get over.)

Issues with in-laws are so tough. And, as the length of this post shows, I have some experience with the same problem. But IMO it isn’t a matter of "spoiling" so much as it’s a problem with listening and respecting boundaries. The whole "I’m the grandma. I can do what I want!" mentality is selfish and disrespectful–and that isn’t spoiling, that’s grandma dictatorship lol. I’m not saying grandparents can’t have fun with their grands. They should be allowed to do fun things (and buy fun things), but that doesn’t mean they should go against the parents. If "having fun and bending the rules sometimes" is spoiling, that’s okay and I get that. Like, my dad gave DS an extra cookie for dessert, but I know if I’d said "nope," then he’d wouldn’t have given the cookie *because he respects me as the parent*) but constantly buying more than was asked for and not many ways to make money listening when you ask/tell grandparents not to do something isn’t appropriate. That’s not spoiling: that’s just plain disrespectful.

It took a long time to get my ils, who have more money than they know what to do many ways to make money with, to understand that we are trying to cut back on many ways to make money "stuff." like others have mentioned, we have asked for experiences instead of toys. The zoo is great because it’s a place you all can go and they can many ways to make money see their grands enjoy the gift. Perhaps there’s something like that you could ask for? We have a "one in, one out" toy rule. It doesn’t just apply to MIL’s stuff, but her insane amount of stuff is why we started many ways to make money it. MIL finally understood we meant business when she came to many ways to make money visit and the hundred-dollar toy she’d sent DS "just because" was nowhere to be seen. I had never given it to him: it went straight to the donation pile. And then she started trying to sneak toys to the many ways to make money kids. That’s when I had the "one in, one out" convo with the kids right in front of her. They decided to keep some of the stuff she’d brought but some of it went straight to the many ways to make money donation pile. She looked shocked, but this isn’t about her ego; it’s about keeping the chaos in my house under control many ways to make money and about making sure my children don’t grow up to be entitled brats.

And having said that, I’d also like to point out that once a gift many ways to make money is given, the giver has no control over what happens to it. Don’t feel guilty if you donate/throw out stuff your MIL gives your kids. Donating items can be a good way to teach your many ways to make money kids about helping others, which encourages empathy. I know you’re worried about their financial situation, but right now it seems like the urgent issue is many ways to make money curbing their spending on your kids because it is causing many ways to make money you stress and it affects how you are trying to many ways to make money raise your children. And if you’re worried about their financial health, that could be a separate conversation you and your DH many ways to make money have with them that is unrelated to the "spoiling" issue.

Tough for sure! My husband is an only child, therefore our kids are their only grandkids. The funny thing about my inlaws is that my mother many ways to make money in law is very frugal & always buys the kids great gifts- things she knows they will use, doesn’t go over the top or excessive at all. My FATHER in law is the crazy spoiler. When my daughter was little (like 4 or so) she used to say "I’ll just ask papa, he never tells me no!" he has gotten better over the years, mostly I think because his wife reigns him in… But it’s a tough situation all around. Thankfully, they are more than financially stable, so I don’t worry about that aspect of it.

When my daughter was born- we made a rule with ALL family (I had grandparents still alive then- so she had like 12 greats/grandparents alive!) we had to pre-approve all gifts. There were more than a handful of times where we many ways to make money told gift givers their gift was too extravagant or not many ways to make money age appropriate. I don’t think feelings were too hurt, but it’s such a tough situation to navigate. Even still- often we don’t buy the kids much for their birthdays or christmas, as they get enough from everyone else & it’s such a waste of money. Usually we will get them something to do- movie gift certs or vacation or something we would do many ways to make money anyways but they tend to appreciate more when it’s given as a gift!